Yesterday, my Mom walked into the kitchen and asked if there was any dip left in the fridge.
Without even thinking, I said “Jeff ate it all last night.”
I was standing at the sink and looking down at the dishes. Hmmmm….
I blurted out, “No, that’s a lie. I finished it off this morning.”
It was ridiculously hard to say, but it felt good. I want no more of that nonsense in my life.
I have to begin this whole process again. I got honest with everyone (including myself) about how I was really doing. Admitting my failures was tough and I truly appreciate all of the love and support I received from you.
Dealing with the fact that this “See Sara Shrink” thing had gotten away from me was hard. I’ve lost a lot of weight but I’m no where near where I thought I would be by now. And I don’t just mean the weight; I’ve also had to deal with the disappointment of having not changed enough yet. I still struggle with many of the same issues I had at the beginning of this process! Many aspects of my life HAVE changed, and that’s a blessing. For one thing, I realize how big this problem really is. I recognize I still need lots of support and accountability. And hey! I don’t weigh 280 pounds anymore!
(That’s another funny story about playing with the numbers. When I began this journey I said that I began at 275lbs. For some insane reason I was totally embarrassed to admit that I weighed 280. I thought that 275 sounded MUCH less than 280! Isn’t that funny! Yep. It sounds like about 5 pounds less!)
Now, I’m not really at a point where I WANT to begin again. I’ve had a terrible month, full of depression and regrets, and I feel pretty down about the whole thing.
This is what is different: I’m saying that. Out loud.
I’m not pretending that all is well or saying what people want to hear. If someone thinks my blog is too “dark and depressing” then they don’t have to read it! I’m going to be honest for all those who are dealing with just the same issues; I want them to know that they are not alone!
I haven’t figured out a new diet plan yet (and it’s hard to exercise when your mouth is full!) but I AM making progress. It’s just not the kind that shows up on the scale. Speaking of the scale I need to get up the courage to step on the damn thing. I feel like I’ve gained 5 pounds in the last couple of weeks and I’m dreading facing it!
I hope in the next few weeks to have lots of great, new experiences to share with you. Let me assure you that I WANT to be in a positive, happy place living the healthy life I’m reaching for. I’ll keep you posted on my progress!
Hi y’all! I’m a deep-fried Southern girl, born and raised in North Carolina. I’ve recently relocated to Boulder, Colorado and I am determined to adopt the healthy lifestyle of the people around me! It’s time for a real shift in my lifestyle – a paradigm shift that will create new habits and result in a thinner, happier, and hopefully better, Sara. A Sara 100 pounds lighter than I was when I started! Hope you decide to come along for the ride.
You can do it! I started at 274.2 at the beginning of Jan… I’m at 267.2 now. It’s a slow process, but when you want to lose 100 pounds, it’s hard to change your life. There’s obviously a reason you got that overweight. The biggest thing is to commit to change, but to not hang up on your failures. They’re lessons…
Weight loss isn’t all sunshine and puppies. It’s a struggle, a whole mind-body struggle, and it’s not overnight.
Cheers to you – a happier, healthier you, no matter what weight.
Well, you have courage and are putting yourself out there for all to read and you could choose to continue the lies and hiding and floundering for a solution. This is a hard trip, hard work that we have to keep doing over and over every day forever. that’s a depressing thought if I think of it that way, which I do on some days. Today I chose to think of it as just 3 more hours until bedtime, I can stop eating cookies for 3 more hours, I know I can. And tomorrow it will be the same way because weekends are hard for me due to nonstructured time. I had to write because I too hate to write that I started at 280 this go-round, I always do 275 like it is so much better!
Keep going – trust the process.
LOVE the new site! Don’t give up on yourself. You can do it, and you don’t have to be pleasant about it. You’re right. If people don’t like what you have to say…they can make sure the door doesn’t hit ‘em on the way out! You know you can always call me if you need a pep talk, or a large cocktail, or a 38 special! haha! Love ya…and the new ‘tude!!